Drowning but Still Breathing
How we all are at the moment.
This morning a friend asked How are you? I knew she was able to handle the truth so I just said it.
Drowning but still breathing.
Yes, she said. Yes.
We have been in a season of chaos. Health scares, some founded, some catching us off guard, some relieved, some ongoing combined with a book launch, grad school teenagers, and, and, and.
Yesterday I was walking with a friend and I said to her, “It all just feels too much.” To which she swiftly answered, Because It Is.
After the walk we found ourselves in urgent care with yet another thing. Our youngest fell down the steps, slammed into a wall, head split and more chaos ensued. He is ok. We are ok. Its just another thing.
Drowning but still breathing.
As we left urgent care, glued back together, albeit tenuously, our son said he just needed a week with no drama. Same buddy, same.
I wonder if I am adapting to being underwater or if I am simply becoming numb to it. I wonder if I am learning to gasp just enough air when I crash through the surface for a moment of relief or if I am losing my sensitivity to drowning.
I find beauty where I can. Like the spectrum of color in the EKG machine and the way the sun looks outside a window. Acknowledge grace and mercy as we receive it in the form of a bright red slushie at urgent care because what is red40 when your hands are covered in blood?
Drowning but still breathing.
Last night as I attempted to relax and coax my shoulders to lower from their preferred position up around my ears I read an article1 in The Atlantic about, among other things, what social media is doing to our kids. Of course they can’t handle I think, we aren’t wired to handle information about everyone. It takes all I have to handle the information I have about the ones I hold dear.
We are all drowning I think.
Some days the best we can do is acknowledge we are in it together.
I watch one friend then two, three, four, five…get pulled under. It’s happening all around me. I want to scream out into the waves, “I See You!” I want to let them know somehow there is a way to keep breathing as you are being pulled under again and again.
In Peace in the Dark2 there is a chapter titled, “Keep Watch” that discusses what it means to be a watchmen for each other. We overthink it. It really is as simple as bearing witness to each other as we get pulled under. It is to not grow weary of the drownings that happen all around us.
Peace found in the dark is often messy. It’s a lot like drowning but still breathing.
Whatever your dark looks like may you know and believe that peace can found there too. May it be so.
I would be remiss if I did not offer a reminder we are still walking slowly through Peace in the Dark this Lent. Anyone can join at any time! The study as well as all the order bonuses are available for all who picked up a copy of Peace through the end of March.
Peace in the Dark Order Bonuses:
24 page Lent Companion (download)
Private online Peace in the Dark reading circle (substack)
Seven Week online guided Lent Study of Peace in the Dark walking through Lent Companion w/daily discussion posts, weekly reflection prompts, Live Q&A, prizes and extras. (substack)
3 mo paid subscription to The Table (substack)
These all offer ways to go deeper into the message of Peace, whether it be on your own in private study, with a group, or online with me. Recently I conducted a poll to see what workshops the paid subscribers of The Table were looking for in 2024 and one of the repeated requests was more book clubs. The Lenten read through of Peace in the Dark is like a book club but richer! And more than anything all the order bonuses are an invitation into the dark this Lenten season
Thank you for being here. Thank you for your tremendous support of Peace in the Dark. I have been so busy living the book out these last two months I have not had much time to promote it. And yet, here she is and I am so grateful!
Quicksand. I am trekking through a wilderness of quicksand. It is beyond my comprehension. Thank you for sharing this.❤️🩹
Love this! Thank you for writing.
I see you! 💓