On the last day of lake season in 2022 I was out on the water floating in my kayak, pile of books at my feet, autumn splendor all around me, squeezing in a last few moments of reading and research for the manuscript I was set to work on. The air was cool and crisp, a perfect October day in the Adirondacks, and I was frustrated. I had spent the summer wrestling with my theology and Scripture. And I had come to a place of understanding, a solid place to begin the work of writing. Yet I was at a loss. I knew how to answer the technical questions about Holy Saturday, but I was struggling with what any of it meant for us today. I had no narrative to add that made sense. And a book, even a non-fiction book, without a narrative is pretty boring to read and certainly to write.
I floated on the water, leaned back so I was just about laying down in the boat and just started asking God where was this book that I was supposed to write. “There are paradoxes all over Holy Saturday, but I don’t have anything to write about that,” I said. My thought so loud in my head I may as well have been screaming across the lake. And then it came-it sounds so trite to say a “still, small voice” but that is what it was.
“Look around. You are surrounded by Paradox. That’s what you write about.”
Why it had not occurred to me that the lake I was on, my beloved place, was itself Paradox Lake, I do not know. But in a way that can only be described as divine, the flood of memories and information about my Paradox flooded my mind. As I packed the car for our last trip home of the season I grabbed books that I thought might be helpful. But how do you grab guides when you aren’t yet sure where you are headed? I started making a pile of anything that struck me: nature books, history books, and threw them in the passenger seat. I wasn’t sure where I was headed but it seemed there could come a point over the next six months when I might want to know about loons, or the great camps or the Adirondack Park.
And it turns out that is exactly what I wrote about. All last year I wove together stories of the mountains and lake I love with the lessons of the in-between hours of Holy Saturday.
Sharing this special place is perhaps the most tender, most vulnerable thing I have done as a writer. Paradox has always been my safe haven. And I wondered what would happen if I shared it too freely?
Years ago I received a (perhaps) well-intentioned message on instagram from someone pointing out that every time I showed pics of the lake it made them painfully jealous of the life I had. This shut me down. First, no one claims that my life is one to cause jealousy. My life has been so full of tremendously hard things and I had no ability to process this new accusation. Second, and perhaps most profound, especially when it came to writing Peace In The Dark, I was determined to keep my sacred place, sacred. And the only way I could sort out doing that was to downplay the whole thing. Yet here I was being asked to write a book where the lake was a main character!
As manuscript writing began in 2023 I was still holding back. Walking back from dinner at my writing retreat last year I was discussing this was my friend. I was sharing how I was in a real internal struggle because I was tentative about truly sharing and yet I knew it was what the work required. I decided that night to write an invitation to the lake and you will find it in the last few lines of the Preface to Peace In The Dark. Just in case you happen to be one of those people that skip the introduction or preface of a book (shame on you) I am sharing it here as over the next few months we will also be spending some time at Paradox. I am really proud of Peace and truly excited and honored to get to share it, all of it, with you. We all face Holy Saturdays, those in-between hours or seasons, where we are waiting for the story to turnaround. There is a lot to learn from the mountains and the lakes and the loons; there is a lot to learn from the Disciples and from Jesus; and somehow, in a most beautiful, paradoxical way, it all ties together.
So, dear reader, as you face your Holy Saturday, I offer you a warm welcome and invite you to meet my Paradox. I promise to share her as generously as I can, as God has used her prominently in my life. May you find peace in the dark and a haven of your own as you get to know mine.
-Preface, Peace In The Dark
Peace in the Dark releases Jan 30th. As we know pre-orders are important to the sales of books so any pre-order placed is so deeply appreciated.
You can pickup my current books Life Surrendered or Break Bread Together:
I just read this post for the first time (my first comment too) and I am amazed at how you had not thought of Paradox Lake when thinking of the great scriptural paradox. I suppose I would have done the same and now that I know the back story, it makes it even more impressive and confirms how spirit filled this book is. I have to say you wrote this book for me. Someone you do not even know. I seem to be going through season after season of trials right now and my dream since my youth has been to have a lake cabin. I am most at peace when I am on or near the water. I was in the boat with you, in the water with the kids, standing "watch" as a parent, and contemplating my descents while I wait to ascend again. Thank you for this gift.
I love this book and I love you.