Greetings from the Brink

Reflecting on launch season and when writing feels grounding again.

Mid-December of last year I showed up at my friend’s home to have a 24-hour reset and book launch planning session. I was already “behind” on so many launch tasks and more than that I was exhausted. The kind of exhausted where I literally walked in her house and crashed, so hard. The next morning she and I, mainly she because I could not think straight, outlined the bare minimum required to get Peace in the Dark off the ground. this was about being efficient and realistic rather than dreamy or splashy. I was heading into launch, depleted and worn out.

By January I was meeting for lunch with another friend when I proclaimed with total conviction and determination that I wanted to give the launch all I had. I knew the book was objectively good. I was done holding back as I had for previous launches. I was willing to play the game and play the game well.

February 14th, the start of Lent and fist day of book launch season, as well as Valentine’s Day, found me at the ER with my husband as we waited for an EKG, and heart surgery as Josh had a multi-day heart attack. I sat at his bedside and wrote my first post to the team of readers walking through Lent with me and Peace in the Dark.

Synthesizing the feelings of December, January and February was impossible. This important thing was happening in a sea of other more important things and I could not do triage fast enough. In the weeks that followed I was caught in a loop of feeling like I was letting somebody/everybody down and then reminding myself that giving my all, even if I had little to give, was still giving all I had. It was enough.

But it sure doesn’t feel like it.

I can tell you everything I wish I had done for Peace’s launch. But it doesn’t do anyone, you or me, any good. The reality is, miraculously, Peace in the Dark still did amazingly well. And all signs point to it’s continuing impact.

Is this launch any harder than any other tough launches? Not particularly. I don’t know a single author who leaves launch season saying they nailed it. Most of us limp back to our corners and just try to catch our breath.

The silence was longer than I would have thought. My need to back away extended beyond recommended best practices. I cleared my plate in dramatic and defintive ways. There was a cliff, and I just jumped. Radio silence. And the weeks turned into months.

For all you writers, here is the encouraging bit. Within the last week I have not just thought about writing, I have wanted to write. Even more than that, I have needed to write.

A month or so ago I was given wise counsel to do something nourishing, relaxing or grounding every day. I was challenged to consider it a non-negotiable. I have now gotten in the habit of asking myself what do I need today: nourishment, relaxation or grounding? And within the last week a whisper began within myself. A call to write, not for anyone else, but because I needed the particular grounding that I experience as I write. I believe this is the first time I have felt like a “real writer.”

Because the fates were kind that week, as I was wrestling with what to do with this need to write during a season I had declared as work-free,

John Blase

posted THIS. If you are a writer of any sort, stop everything and go read his swift kick in the pants call to action. For me, John’s essay was permission to breathe right when I realized I was starting to suffocate.

---

Listen, books are so good and so important. To get to write one is a tremendous gift and not one I take likely. But they also are costly. Especially books like Peace in the Dark that offer no easy answers. I tried to be as transparent as I could in real time to say, this book is one still being lived out by yours truly. (You can read HERE and HERE.)

For now, this writer is just happy to write. I am wise enough to know not to make promises about frequency or the like. I do know that in my actual life I am needing to return (again and again and yes, again) to the practices of Peace. So that is where I am starting. I can feel the ground beneath me. Praise be.

Peace in the Dark is available wherever books are sold. Might I suggest supporting an independent bookstore such as The Bookshelf

And of course at Amazon (reviews welcome!)

You can pickup my other books Life Surrendered or Break Bread Together:

Available wherever books are sold: Amazon | Leafwood