A Different Kind of Path

Discomfort to Disobedience to Dissertation

It is the time of year when our social media feeds are awash with back to school pics. With a wistfulness we collectively recall Kathleen Kelly and her bouquet of sharpened pencils. The magic of returning to school and routine and rhythm is ever present. This year, I count myself among those heading back to school. This is a reality that is at once utterly surprising and a foregone conclusion years in the making.

It seems my best things come from following the same path. The next right thing, good and true stands before me-yet I struggle to recognize it as good and true until it becomes so wildly uncomfortable to ignore any longer. Truth be told, that discomfort more often leads to procrastination than immediate action. The end result being a disobedience that eats at my soul. And then finally, the action comes.

Because all of this ignoring, procrastinating and discomfort is kept to myself, my actions often appear strong, decisive, out of the blue. When the reality could not be further from the truth.

In the span of weeks I went from a tentative email inquiring about a grad program, to application, acceptance, enrollment. As people in my life learned of my return to school they were shocked at my quick decision and turnaround. But the other side of this swift action is the months (maybe years?) of my casually mentioning something to my husband about taking classes; the years of dreaming of more degrees and time at school.

It took trusted people in my life, professing the calling and calling it good, to bring about the realization that my discomfort was from disobedience.

If we profess to be spirit led what then do we do with ourselves as we squash the spirit within us?

In my case, you ask the question, you fill out the application, you trust the finances and the timing and the ability to somehow add this to your plate because the discomfort of disobedience could not be borne any longer.

Which brings us, to this little corner of the internet. The same path that led me to grad school has been leading my writing and teaching to this space for far too long. All that discomfort and procrastinating has led to a sense of disobedience within me that I simply cannot stand any longer. Are there too many substacks already? Are people over it? Perhaps I am too late to the party? Or the big one-do I even belong over here with all the writers? Well, throwing the questions aside we are just going to jump in because I am learning, ever so slowly, that the Spirit knows and that is enough.

This is going to look a little fast and furious for a minute but trust me reader, this is years in the making. As I, like many, are pulling back from giving our best work to social media, this space will continue to grow and develop. You can expect essays and history and community questions. Most of all I am eager to provide teaching and workshops, reading groups and studies. May this be a community of expectant thinking and rich questions. I am grateful for your willingness to come along.